Build Joy and Esteem In Others - For Gratuities

Why do we tip at restaurants? Why do we reward children who sing Christmas carols? Why do we offer to pick up a round of drinks at the bar for companions? What is the common element for these and other apparently irrational decisions about our spending patterns. Think about it. A hard-hearted businessman who will stomp past a penniless panhandler will not hesitate to tell the server or barista to "keep the change" for doing something as simple as pouring coffee refills.

What it really comes down to is that certain people have learned to make a very good living by bringing joy to others, or by lifting their self esteem. Individual attention from an attractive well-groomed person (of the opposite gender), brings out better qualities and gives the impression (illusion?) that the recipient of that attention is equally attractive or in the same league.

I noticed this trend when I stayed at a luxury hotel on business in a foreign country. Back home, I am a humble cog in the big corporate wheel, but at this hotel, I was warmly greeted, pleasantly encouraged, and my requests were promptly fulfilled. Of course, I was more than happy to share my tip money and they were delighted to receive my payment.

OK. I don't suggest that everyone goes through life being obsequious or an insincere synchopant. However, there may be small steps that we can all take to improve our chances of briging joy to someone or making them feel better and in turn, receiving some unexpected benefit.

Start with grooming and appearance. A clean and polished look will calm others and remove their defenses. Maybe looking like one of the Lawrence Welk choir singers won't give you any game at the nightclub, but during the day it will go a long way to removing hesitations and prejudices.

Imagine yourself with a sudden bounty, no matter how small. You have extra tickets to an event, or surplus gourmet food. Who are you inclined to share it with? The grouchy colleague who always insults you? The cynical complainers who always sneak away for cigarette breaks? Not likely. You will be more inclined to share the gifts with someone who has extended kindness in the past, or who would be appreciative.

I confess that I got caught up in the habit of trying to impress my superiors. Knowing he was a wine drinker, I brought a very nice vintage for a compay function. When he received it, he waved his hand for me to put it with the 10 other bottles of similar red wine. Although it was expensive, it did not have the impact and was a waste.

So what is the angle? The trick is to be among the people who receive these gratuities, and who are included in the freebies. I recall being on a lucky streak at work where I received perks, benefits, and free tickets. I don't think my work was any better but my attitude and willingness to assist was very high. In contrast, as I got busier and deeper into my work, my cooperation declined and I became more selfish and defensive. The flow of freebies abruptly stopped - adding to my resentment and pushing me further into a vicious cycle.

If you aspire to be one of the "lucky ones" who get picked for dinners, freebies, perks, and SWAG (stuff we all get), be generous with those attributes which people need most, and which there is the shortest supply. Thank your team members for their efforts, make them feel welcomed and included, and add to their joy.

This is not just relevant for the workplace, but also for your home and community. Someone who is a handyman who aids and assists neighbors in need often finds themselves receiving unanticipated gifts. In one case, the "handyman" got a fully-functional $600 lawn mower from a neighbor who could not get it working and upgraded to a new one. The same could occur for materials, plants, or other personal items.

A proverbs states that a Rising Tide Lifts All Boats. What are you doing to rise the tide of those around you? Anything, no matter how small, will create a sincere sence of growth that will reflect positively back on you. Think about the next person you reward. Why are you rewarding them - and what can you do in turn to get an appropriate reward for your contributions.